What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
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