Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
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