No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Biology - It grows on you.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
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