Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
To get to the other tide.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
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