I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
The sun is just a big space heater.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.