Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
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