Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
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