Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Go to BabaMail
