What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.