Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Go to BabaMail
