Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
All stereos are so typical.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
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