How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
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