Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
All stereos are so typical.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
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