Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...