What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.