What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
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