Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
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