I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
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