What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
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