My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
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