Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
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