I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
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