I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
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