Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
All stereos are so typical.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
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