What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
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