What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
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