The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Go to BabaMail
