The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
All stereos are so typical.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
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