Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
All stereos are so typical.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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