What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
All stereos are so typical.
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