My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
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