What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
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