How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
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