Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I have a heart-on for you.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
You’re my heartthrob.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.