Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
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