What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
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