How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
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