Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
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