After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
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