Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
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