What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.
I decided to give up masturbating.
I haven't felt myself since.
French people don’t masturbate...
They jacques off.
What are porn stars paid?
What do you call a Chinese rapist? Rai Ping Yu
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls
What do you call hooker that likes it in her as*? a crack whore
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach?
It's not Hard.
Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.
What do a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar? Man, I blew like 50 bucks in there. What's the best part of gardening? Getting down and dirty with my hoes.
Last night I dreamed that my town’s water tower exploded.
It was a wet dream.
My violin tutor told me my fingering was good but my positions could be better.
And then we started the lesson.
I got caught masturbating with a pickle.
I was Gherkin off.
It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my company didn't block access to porn sites on the internet.
Have you heard of the new movie called "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet.
What do you call a dick pick when it’s printed out?
A hard copy.
I'm hosting a charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm.
If you can't come, let me know.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a chicken? A clucking gobbler.
What do you call a persian that smokes pot? Harry Potter.
What do you call it when a boy and girl make love for the first time? Cumming of Age.
What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?
They have both entered the dragon.
Do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.
If a pink stork delivers girl babies and a blue stork delivers boy babies, what delivers no babies?
Saw my violin teacher on the 9 o’clock news...
He was fiddling with the kids.
I'm sorry for taking your daughter's virginity
It won't happen again.
Masturbation should be considered a craft...
as it is 100% hand made.
If you have a moth ball in one hand and a moth ball in the other, what have you got?
A bloody big moth!
Why doesn't Barbie get pregnant?
Because Ken cums in another box.
Police have arrested a man for having se* with fruit, but they suspect a second perpetrator may still be at large.
The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears."
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
It was Luke warm.
I'm planning an orgy.
It's all coming together.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have se*? Because they have cotton balls.
Where do gay physicists have s*x?
In the Large Hardon Collider.
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"
The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away...
His wife is taking it really hard.
What do you call lesbian twins? Lick-a-likes.
He who stands with hands in pockets feels foolish.
He who stands with holes in pockets feels nuts.
I got raped by an alligator the other day. I think I have gatoraids.
What do you call a judge with no balls? Justice Prick
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses.
Tonto stops his horse, jumps off and puts his ear to the ground.
He looks up at the Lone Ranger and says, "Buffalo come".
The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?"
Without women sex would be a pain in the ass.
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.
So the bartender gives her one.
What was the guitar teacher arrested for?
For fingering a minor.
Snow White was in bed, feeling Happy.
Happy got out, so she started feeling Grumpy.
Why do bunnies have soft se*?
They have cotton balls.
Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.
I nearly got sacked when I was caught masturbating on my first day starting a job as a roofer.
Luckily, the boss said I could wipe the slate clean.
I wouldn’t say it’s easy living with erectile dysfunction.
But it’s not hard.
What do you call an alien with 3 balls? An extrateresticle.