What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
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