So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
"Bone to be wild."
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
You’re my heartthrob.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
"Lazy bones."
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
"Dying to have fun."
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
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