Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
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