Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
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