What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
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