Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
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