Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
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