An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
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