Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
The sun is just a big space heater.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.