What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
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