What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.