What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.