What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.