What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.