What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.