How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.