Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.