I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."