What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket