Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I can row a boat.
Canoe?