I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.