Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Go to BabaMail
