Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
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