How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
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