what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
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