People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
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