Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
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