I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
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