When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
All farts...are laughing gas.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
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