If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Only a**holes use bidets.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
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