After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
All farts...are laughing gas.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
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