Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
All farts...are laughing gas.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Only a**holes use bidets.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
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