You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!