An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Go to BabaMail
