I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Cell phones are a static symbol.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.