I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
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