I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
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