I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Go to BabaMail
