A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
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