What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
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