Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
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