A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
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