In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
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