Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
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