Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
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