If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
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