How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Go to BabaMail
