I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
All farts...are laughing gas.