Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
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