What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
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