Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
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