what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
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