My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
All farts...are laughing gas.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
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