Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
All farts...are laughing gas.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
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