A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
All farts...are laughing gas.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
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