My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
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