Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Don't fork-get your manners.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
We were mermaid for each other.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
You mermake me happy.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
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