I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
You mermake me happy.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
I have a bone to pixie with you.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Don't fork-get your manners.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Shell-abrate the good times!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
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