Go big or go gnome.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
You really mermaid my day.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Fishing you a happy day.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
You seem a little mer-mad.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
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