Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
Call me on the shellphone.
I think you're mer-mazing.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
I have a bone to pixie with you.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
You seem a little mer-mad.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
We were mermaid for each other.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Don't fork-get your manners.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
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