What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
You really mermaid my day.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
We were mermaid for each other.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
I think you're mer-mazing.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
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