I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
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