Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
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