What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
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