Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
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