Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
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