What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
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